Divorce

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Divorce

Marriage, the legally sanctioned and structured pairing of heterosexual couples, has long been an established practice in human civilization all over the world. Divorce, the dissolution of a marriage agreement, is as old as marriage itself. Since the 1960s, rapidly rising divorce rates have placed the ending of marriage among the most common rituals of modern society. In the late 1990s, almost half of all marriages ended in divorce, and the prevalence of divorce has changed not only the nature of marriage, but the definition of family as well.

Early cultures often permitted divorce with relative ease. Roman law allowed couples to divorce simply by mutual consent, while Jewish Talmudic law granted divorce on a variety of grounds, including adultery and desertion. Greek, Germanic, and Frankish law also recognized couples' right to divorce, as did Islam and the Orthodox Church. The Roman Catholic Church became one of the first institutions to outlaw divorce, claiming marriage as a sacrament of the church. Dissolution of marriage could only be granted by the church under special circumstances, such as an annulment if one's spouse was a close relative, or a "judicial separation," where husband and wife were permitted to live apart without remarrying. Repercussions of the attitudes of the Catholic church about divorce were felt into future centuries and in lands as far apart as Ireland, Latin America, and parts of the American South.

The Protestant Reformation brought with it new perspectives on marriage. While Catholics had viewed it as a sacred sacrament, taken for life, Protestants saw marriage as a contract, changeable if it no longer met the needs of the contracted parties. Likewise, while Catholics had primarily defined the purpose of marriage as procreation, Protestants included in it such functions as companionship, support, and sexual pleasure, inspiring radical Protestants, such as poet John Milton, to argue that divorce should be allowed for simple incompatibility.

In the United States, from colonial times to the present, divorce was widely permitted but frowned upon socially. By the time of the Civil War, divorces were granted in most parts of the country on grounds of cruelty, abandonment, drunkenness, nonsupport, or verbal threats or insults. As legal divorces became easier to obtain, the divorce rate began to climb steadily. By the early 1900s the United States was granting the most divorces of any Western country, six times as many as France, in second place. The number had risen dramatically, from 7,380 divorces nationwide in 1860 to 83,045 in 1910.

In the 1950s, divorce dropped somewhat with that decade's glorification of the nuclear family. Women who worked as homemakers, supported by their husbands, found themselves unprepared to support themselves and their children should they divorce. In contrast, the 1960s and 1970s saw more women graduating from college with career aspirations and the skills to achieve them. The divorce rate shot up, as these women no longer felt forced to remain in unhappy marriages.

Though more and more marriages ended in divorce each decade, divorce was still largely stigmatized by society and pathologized by experts who defined divorced people as neurotic and sought cures for their ills. This perception finally began to change in the 1970s when feminism and the sexual revolution combined to give divorce a positive new image of liberation and independence. In the 1980s, rates dipped once again as the threat of AIDS encouraged monogamy. In addition, married baby boomers of the 1980s began to find financial reasons to stay together, since two incomes were needed to support their lifestyles. These factors, coupled with the 1980s political conservatism and backlash against feminism, caused more couples to seek counseling to save their marriages. The divorce lull did not last, however. Rates continue to climb as, approaching the twenty-first century, generation Xers, many the children of divorce themselves, attempt to determine the boundaries of commitment. Divorce is such a commonplace that while many couples still use lawyers to work out their disputes, others now go to mediators and many more execute their own divorces quite amicably. Along with divorcing couples, there are now numerous cases of children divorcing their parents and vice versa.

Until fairly recently, wives were considered little more than the property of their husbands, and the treatment of women in the divorce process has reflected this attitude. Though many women have been unhappy in the marital roles assigned them, women have always had more to lose financially from divorce. Less valued in the marketplace than men, women often lose further ground by removing themselves from the work force while working as mothers and homemakers. When a woman divorces, the standard of living for her and her children falls an average of 73 percent, often placing them below poverty level. Men, by contrast, released from familial obligations, are free to put more energy into their existing jobs. After divorce, a man's average standard of living rises 42 percent. The devaluing of women's role in the home has also contributed to unfair distribution of assets after divorce. Except in "community property" states, where any property acquired by either partner during the marriage is divided equally, a woman may receive little or none of the family resources, which may be in the husband's name.

Beginning with the so-called "tender years" legislation of the nineteenth century, custody of young children has traditionally been awarded to the mother in divorce settlements. Courts may also choose to award child support and alimony, or spousal support payments, which also traditionally were paid by the husband as the primary earner. In recent years, courts have begun to change assumptions about gender roles, sometimes awarding custody and even spousal support to the husband if he is judged to be the better parent or the wife has greater earning power. "No-fault" divorce, a concept developed in the 1980s, has further eroded the system of spousal support by removing the factor of blame and responsibility for the end of the marriage. While many applaud these changes, they often have resulted in even worse conditions for women following divorce.

Another product of the rising divorce rate has been the pre-nuptial agreement, wherein couples plan for the possibility of divorce before they are married and agree upon future division of property. Originated by the lawyers of wealthy people who felt they had lost an unfair amount in a divorce, the "pre-nup" is now as much a part of an upper-class wedding as the wedding cake.

Social attitudes toward men and women surrounding divorce have tended to be quite different, especially prior to the 1970s. Divorced men have often been viewed as roguish or even slightly dangerous, not undesirable qualities in a male. Also, the addition of another available man to the social pool is generally looked upon as a good thing. Divorced women, on the other hand, have been seen traditionally as promiscuous, and the addition of an unattached woman to society is usually viewed as threatening to other women.

Images of divorce in the media have contributed to these perceptions. Entertainers have always lived by their own rules, and even in decades when divorce was most stigmatized in ordinary society, the public avidly followed the marital adventures of the movie stars. Even in the repressive 1950s, actors such as Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney set records for numbers of marriages that are still impressive today. Fascinated fans reacted with outrage when divorcee Taylor broke up the "idyllic" marriage of Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. In the mid-1970s they formed strong opinions about the so-called "palimony" suit following the breakup of long-term unmarried lovers Lee Marvin and Michelle Triola when Triola insisted that she was entitled to spousal support after their six-year relationship ended.

Films tended to both reflect and mold social attitudes. In 1934, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers danced their way through lighthearted marital misunderstandings in The Gay Divorcee. In the early 1960s, anti-divorce attitudes won out in The Parent Trap, when twin daughters (played by Hayley Mills) of a divorced couple managed to reunite their parents, whose breakup was clearly ill-advised. The 1980s backlash was represented nowhere better than in the Oscar winner for best picture Kramer vs. Kramer, in which Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep played divorcing parents. Both were motivated by their own selfishness, but in the end it was the husband who was redeemed by learning the joys of familyhood and was rewarded with custody of the couple's son.

By the 1990s, divorce was so common that it had lost much of its social stigma and much of its value as scandal. Fans still followed the love lives of the stars, but it took an exceptionally short marriage or brutal breakup to arouse much public interest. Celebrity-watchers felt vindicated when superstar Julia Roberts walked away from unlikely spouse Lyle Lovett after only a few months, and they cheered for beloved icon Carol Channing when she left her forty-one-year marriage at age seventy-seven, citing lack of sex as one of the reasons. Film portrayals tended to show divorce as a positive solution to a bad situation. The 1989 film The War of the Roses was a disturbing comedy about violent breakup where neither partner was presented in a positive light, while The First Wives Club (1996) was a sort of revenge comedy where the mistreated wives took action against their boorish ex-husbands.

In past centuries, marriage was a pragmatic agreement and the family an economic unit, whether industrial or agricultural. Members each had a unique function and derived stability and protection from their place in the unit, which was most often an extended family comprising elders, adults, and children. Marriage and the creation of a family was part of survival. As American society evolved, the nuclear family replaced the extended family as the major social unit, and its function has more and more become that of emotional support and physical caretaking rather than working together. As partners enter marriage, they have higher expectations of happiness and satisfaction. Some sociologists cite these rising expectations as the reason for rising rates of divorce, while others contend that since marriage and family are no longer a necessity of physical survival, it is natural that couples tend to drift apart.

As divorce becomes more prevalent, the image of the family continues to change. Though political and religious conservatives have tried to restore a more traditional concept of the nuclear family, they have not been able to stop these changes. While many bemoan the ill-effects of divorce on children, most modern studies show that children do not benefit from growing up in a traditional nuclear family where the parents are unhappy together. The definition of family is now broadening to include not only nuclear families, but also unmarried heterosexuals and gays living together, single-parent families, stepfamilies, foster and adoptive families, childlessness, nonmonogamous relationships, and multiple-adult households. Family is not only biological, but also chosen, a complex network of economic support and affection that is no longer easily catalogued. Even Madison Avenue has begun to understand and speak to these changes, as companies such as Hallmark Greeting Cards and John Hancock Insurance develop advertising campaigns directed at the families of divorce and other nontraditional units. A Rite-Aid Drug ad, first screened in 1998, shows two girls helping their mother get ready for her first (postdivorce) date, while a 1991 MCI Communications ad shows a workaholic father sadly explaining how his personal toll-free number helps him keep in touch with the son who now lives with his mother far away. These images show how the reality of divorce has been incorporated into American culture, and, indeed, culture worldwide.

—Tina Gianoulis