Widowhood

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WIDOWHOOD

Brides and grooms in the late colonial, Revolutionary War, and early national periods took to heart the words "until death do us part" when exchanging vows. Women in that era usually were several years younger than the men they married. Most marriages did not survive intact, however, until couples attained a ripe old age.

The death of a spouse in the prime of life affected more women than men. "[It is] the most Forlorn and Dismal of all states," wrote Abigail Adams in 1778, nearly half a century before her own husband died. Widowhood altered family arrangements, transforming women's economic and legal status. Having rarely been able to make autonomous decisions, or even to hold possessions in their own name, women had to learn new survival skills. Letters from the period indicate that some widows adapted reasonably well, while others withdrew from society, angry and depressed. Once widowed, many women began a sad decline into senectitude.

The religious commandment to "honor thy father and mother," usually reinforced by the courts, in principle gave widows and widowers the right to expect their children to care for them until they died—or, depending on their age and wealth, at least until they remarried. Custom dictated that at least one (adult) child remain with the surviving parent, providing labor and support. In return, she or he received in due course a disproportionate share of the estate.

Economic realities reinforced filial piety. Especially in farming communities, men's assets on average increased with advancing years, peaking around age sixty. Women's prosperity or poverty depended on their spouses' success or lack thereof—regardless of how much the wives had contributed as household managers and producers of goods. Control of the land and other property gave the parents authority over their children's future sufficient to ensure the former a basis for financial assistance in later years. Household heads generally retained control of familial wealth until they died—though many fathers gave loans, bequests, and gifts to mature offspring as they were starting out. Unless otherwise stated in the will, a woman would count on her "widow's third," even in situations where her husband died intestate. This was the single most important source of financial security for widows during the period. Even if the third was modest in value, it typically sufficed, providing a widow enough leverage to exert a measure of control over her offspring.

Some husbands were very precise in stipulating what they were leaving to their widows. They even specified the names of the livestock their surviving spouses were to receive. They warned their children that failure to care for their widowed mothers might result in their loss of valued possessions. Some men went a step further, naming their wives guardians or trustees of their estates. Yet detailed wills did not always work to the widow's advantage. By specifying the room in the homestead in which the widow would sleep, a woman's primacy in the household often passed to a younger family member. Rich men sometimes privileged certain children to the detriment of their wives. Those concerned with the inter-generational transfer of their estates and property could stipulate that their spouses would forfeit their designated assets should they choose to remarry. In the Maryland court of appeals, Martha Griffith in 1798 won her right to one-third of her husband's personal property, though her late spouse had pointedly left all his possessions to his children and excluded her.

Widows unacquainted with familial finances often were shocked to find that they had inherited considerable debts. To make ends meet, widows relied on the acumen of their adult children or neighbors. During a period in which a majority of families struggled to eke out a living, financial insecurity heightened most widows' sense of vulnerability.

Most widows crafted ways to remain as independent as possible. Typically, this meant retaining possession of the family homestead as long as possible. When that was no longer feasible, women moved in with their children, doing domestic duties for room and board. Arrangements rarely were permanent: widows moved from the residences of siblings, offspring, and friends as circumstances warranted.

With advancing years, many widows were forced to rely on outsiders for assistance. Under the Elizabethan Poor Law of 1601, which became the basis of most state welfare provisions, local officials had to support the needy in the community. Typically, agents provided poor widows with food, money, and wood so that they could remain in their homes. Sometimes, women were placed in the residence of the householder who made the lowest bid for their upkeep. Over time, an increasing number of cities and counties erected poorhouses, where the sick, deaf, blind, lame, orphans, and criminals shared shelter with widows. "Of all the classes of the poor," declared Josiah Quincy in an 1821 report on welfare in Boston, "that of virtuous old age has the most unexceptionable claims upon society." Young widows who were unwilling to work while in the almshouse would not be viewed so favorably as infirm, impoverished women.

Revolutionary War pensions provided some relief for eligible widows. The first pensions, authorized in 1780, provided officers' widows half of their late husbands' salaries for seven years if their spouses had remained in the Continental Army until the end of the war. These widows' provisions were abolished in 1794. Revolutionary soldiers in need (presumably, widowers were in this pool) were granted pensions in 1818; their widows, on proof of marriage, became eligible for pensions in 1832. Congress thereafter liberalized widows' Revolutionary War benefits.

See alsoDomestic Life; Inheritance; Marriage; Women: Rights .