Infidelity
Infidelity
CORRELATES AND THEORIES OF INFIDELITY
RESPONSES TO INFIDELITY AND THERAPY
Alfred Kinsey’s landmark studies of male and female sexuality, beginning in the late 1940s, were the first empirical examinations of infidelity. Following Kinsey, however, little research was done until the 1970s, and it was not for another decade that the first reliable estimates of the prevalence of infidelity were obtained. Thus, research on infidelity, while growing, is still in its nascent phase.
DEFINITIONS AND PREVALENCE
Infidelity is a broad term that encompasses a variety of behaviors. Because of this, social scientists have used innumerable descriptors to more precisely capture the varieties of infidelity (e.g., nonmonogamy, extradyadic involvement, extramarital coitus). Terms fall broadly into two classes: (1) sexual infidelity, which specifies a degree of physical intimacy with someone other than a committed partner; and (2) emotional infidelity, which indicates a channeling of resources such as love, time, and attention toward someone other than one’s partner. An additional term, intimate betrayal, has been suggested to describe the experience of specific relationship standards and expectations being violated. These terms are not mutually exclusive, and any given extradyadic involvement may include one or all of these aspects of infidelity to varying degrees.
Nationally representative surveys of the American population have focused on the prevalence of sexual intercourse outside of marriage. These studies have found that approximately 22 percent to 25 percent of men and 11 percent to 15 percent of women report at least one instance of extramarital sex while married, though up to 34 percent of men and 19 percent of women in older cohorts reported infidelity. Moreover, these figures almost certainly represent the lower bounds of actual acts of infidelity, as some individuals are unlikely to be candid about such intimate details of their lives. Research using procedures with greater anonymity (e.g., computer assisted selfreporting as opposed to face-to-face interviews) support this conclusion.
CORRELATES AND THEORIES OF INFIDELITY
Gender differences have received more attention than any other correlate of infidelity in the empirical literature. Overall, men are more likely to have an affair, though this finding is strongly dependent on the cohort of the individual. Gender differences are greatest in the baby-boom generation (those born just following World War II [1939-1945]) and reduced in younger cohorts; individuals born during the 1960s and later do not show gender differences in the rate of infidelity. The shrinking gender difference may reflect basic demographic changes, particularly the greater number of women in the workforce, a common place to meet affair partners.
While the overall interest remains low, more men express a desire for infidelity and the active pursuit of an affair relationship. Nonetheless, the majority of both sexes expect sexual monogamy in their marriage relationships. In addition, men’s affairs tend to be more sexual and less related to the satisfaction of their marriage as compared to women, while women’s affairs tend to be more emotional and described as long-term, loving relationships. It remains unclear how these gendered aspects of infidelity may be shifting with the changing rates of infidelity across generations.
Factors related to infidelity can be organized in terms of their source (i.e., involved partner, spouse, marital relationship, and context). A history of divorce, permissive attitudes toward infidelity, lack of religiosity, being African American, and poor interpersonal connections in the marital relationship have consistently shown a positive association with infidelity for involved partners. Factors related to the spouse of an unfaithful partner remain an interesting but little researched area. In terms of the marital relationship, marital distress, sexual dissatisfaction, imbalances of power, cohabitation prior to marriage, and highly autonomous marital relationships have been linked to infidelity, as has marrying at a young age and the length of the marriage. Some contextual factors include opportunity, travel, income, the availability and willingness of partners, and the individual’s perceptions of societal frequency and acceptability of infidelity.
A variety of theories have been put forth to account for infidelity, with evolutionary psychology receiving the most attention. This theory posits that men’s desire for sexual variety can be explained by natural selection (i.e., men historically have sought reproductive success by gaining access to a variety of women). As such, men are more bothered than women by sexual infidelity because it threatens this goal. Women, on the other hand, find emotional infidelity more disturbing because it threatens the male’s commitment to protecting and providing for a woman and her offspring. Cross-cultural research demonstrates that men consistently both have more affairs and show greater distress due to sexual affairs than women do. However, there is tremendous variability across cultures in the rate of infidelity, underscoring the important influence of cultural and societal factors.
RESPONSES TO INFIDELITY AND THERAPY
Although some therapists have suggested that infidelity may at times be helpful for individuals and couples, the empirical literature strongly supports the negative consequences of infidelity. Extramarital affairs are reliably associated with increased marital distress, conflict, and divorce. When an affair is revealed, the spouse of the person who had the affair is often angry, humiliated, and depressed, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder may be present, such as intrusive thoughts, hypervigi-lance, and real or imagined images of their spouse with the affair partner. In addition, infidelity can indirectly expose the uninvolved partner to sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. This is a significant risk when the affair relationship involved drugs or alcohol, which in turn reduces the likelihood of safe-sex practices. Research focused on the reactions of the involved spouse have been limited, but there is some evidence that after an affair is revealed he or she experiences increased depressive symptoms, a lower sense of well-being, and greater guilt and shame.
Beyond individual reactions to an affair, there are two broad outcomes for the marital relationship: staying together or getting divorced. Relationship dissolution can be influenced by the nature of the infidelity (e.g., degree and type of involvement, how the affair was discovered), cognitive factors (e.g., attitudes toward infidelity, meaning attached to the affair), and aspects of the marital relationship (e.g., length of marriage, level of commitment, quality and satisfaction with the marriage).
Not surprisingly, marital therapists have described infidelity as one of the most difficult problems to treat—and one of the most damaging for a relationship. In spite of this, there is a paucity of empirical research on marital therapy for infidelity. What research does exist is somewhat optimistic, however. Couples that have experienced an affair and then pursue marital therapy show strong improvements during therapy, including greater marital satisfaction, reduced trauma symptoms, and greater forgiveness in the uninvolved partner. However, it is challenging to generalize these findings to the wide prevalence of infidelity, as only a small number of studies have focused on therapy, and because many couples do not seek therapy after an affair has occurred.
SEE ALSO Evolutionary Psychology; Marital Conflict; Marriage; Sex and Mating
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Allen, Elizabeth S., et al. 2005. Intrapersonal, Interpersonal, and Contextual Factors in Engaging in and Responding to Extramarital Involvement. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice 12 (2): 101–130.
Atkins, David C., Donald H. Baucom, and Neil S. Jacobson. 2001. Understanding Infidelity: Correlates in a National Random Sample. Journal of Family Psychology 15: 735–749.
Buunk, Bram P., Alois Angleitner, Viktor Oubaid, and David M. Buss. 1996. Sex Differences in Jealousy in Evolutionary and Cultural Perspective: Tests from the Netherlands, Germany, and the United States. Psychological Science 7 (6): 359–363.
Gordon, Kristina Coop, Donald H. Baucom, and Douglas K. Snyder. 2004. An Integrative Intervention for Promoting Recovery from Extramarital Affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 30: 1–12.
David C. Atkins
Rebeca A. Marin