Marriage and divorce

Marriage and divorce. Marriage is the union between at least two people (in polygamy and polyandry it may be more), in which commitment is made and responsibility undertaken. It is recognized and controlled in society, because of its obvious relation to the procreation and nurture of the next generation. Because of the profound consequences of the institution of marriage (yielding experience including, but going far beyond, the pleasure of sexual satisfaction), marriage is a frequent metaphor in religions for union with God. But it is recognized that not all marriages are realized in relation to the goals, however described. Divorce is regarded in general as at least a matter of regret, more often as a matter of defeat and fault. The facilities for divorce therefore differ between religions.

Judaism

According to the Hebrew scriptures, marriage is a state instituted by God because ‘it is not good that the man should be alone’ (Genesis 2. 18). Although various biblical figures (such as Jacob, Saul, David, etc.) had more than one wife, monogamy seems to have been the general rule, and the prophets used marriage as an illustration of God's relationship with Israel. Certain marriages, particularly between close relatives, were forbidden, and marriage between Jew and idolater was strongly condemned (see EZRA). Although a continuing marriage was much to be desired, divorce was permitted (Deuteronomy 24. 1–4). The actual marriage ceremony was in two parts, the kiddushin or erusin (betrothal) and the nissuin (marriage proper). In the Middle Ages, the two parts were combined. The ceremony is performed under a huppah. The bridegroom has previously undertaken the obligations of the ketubbah (marriage contract) and is led to the bride. Blessings are recited over wine and the couple drink from the same cup. The bridegroom places a ring on the bride's finger and recites in Hebrew the formula, ‘Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the Law of Moses and Israel’. The ketubbah is read out; seven benedictions over wine are recited; and, in most communities, the bridegroom crushes a glass with his foot.

Although divorce is a matter of great regret, it is possible. According to Jewish law, if both husband and wife agree, a husband may give a get (‘bill of divorce’) to his wife. Both husband and wife can demand a divorce if the spouse has a physical defect, or because of unsatisfactory conduct. It is, however, in a postghetto society notoriously difficult for the community to compel a husband to give a divorce, and if he refuses, the wife is tied; she cannot marry again, and any subsequent children will be mamzerim.

Since the husband is the one who must give the get, he must, necessarily, be found; otherwise, the wife remains agunah (‘tied woman’) and cannot remarry. In Conservative Judaism, a takkanah (1953) allows a clause to be inserted in the ketubbah whereby both parties agree to abide by a decision of the bet din if there is conflict. Reform Judaism has dropped the practice of the get. The law of divorce is covered in B.Gittin.

Christianity

Marriage, in the words of the Book of Common Prayer, ‘is an honourable estate’. The causes of marriage are three (for the procreation of children and their nurture, for a remedy against sin and to avoid fornication, and for the mutual society, help, and comfort that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity). In Roman Catholic understanding, marriage is a sacrament which creates a vinculum, an unbreakable (metaphysical) bond; it can only be brought to an end by a recognition, on various specific grounds, that it never happened in the first place, i.e. by annulment. Among other Christians, there is a more serious wrestling with the vision of Jesus Christ that marriage recreates the lost and disturbed conditions of the Garden of Eden. Uncertainty about the NT texts has led to a divergence of practice among Christians, some allowing remarriage after divorce (with a previous partner still living) in some circumstances, while others do not.

Islam

Marriage in Islam does not have to take place in a specifically religious context. It is thus a civil matter (so far as such distinctions can be drawn in Islam). Nevertheless, it is one of the signs (ayā) of God. The word for a pair or a mate is zawj, which is a term used for marriage (al-zawaj), as also is nikāh, the marriage contract. There is debate in the schools of sharīa about whether marriage is a compulsory obligation. In general it is for those who can pay the dowry (mahr), who can support a wife and children, who is healthy, and who fears that otherwise he will commit fornication (zinā); for women it is compulsory for those who have no other means of maintaining themselves and who fear zinā. Marriage is a contract between the two parties, often under the initiative of fathers or guardians. According to 2. 228, men have a degree or rank (darajah) over their wives, and in 4. 38 are ‘standing over them’ (qawwumun, which may mean ‘standing beside in support’). Marriage with non-Muslims, who might be suspected of shirk, is forbidden, but Muslim men are allowed to marry women who belong to ahl al-Kitāb (the people of the Book). The mahr is given by the groom to the bride, and it remains hers even in the event of a divorce (half of it if the marriage is dissolved before consummation). The amount of mahr is not stipulated in sharīa. Polygamy (up to four wives) is allowed in Qurān 4. 3, provided they can be treated equitably (some believe that this condition can never be attained, and that in practice monogamy is required); Muḥammad himself married eleven wives. Divorce (ṭalāq, ‘to set an animal free’) is permitted, but ‘of all things that are permitted, divorce is the most hated by God’. A statement of divorce should be followed by a waiting period (idda) of three menstrual cycles, to ensure that no child has been conceived, and to offer the chance of reconciliation. Talāq ḥasan requires three successive pronouncements of divorce to be made, during three consecutive periods of purity (ṭuhur); it is not permissible to pronounce the three repudiations all at one time. Divorce may be initiated by the wife (khul), but if she does so without identifiable cause, she must abandon the dowry. For the early (and disputed) temporary marriage, see MUTA.

Hinduism

Marriage is an expected norm for all Hindus except those who become renouncers and adopt a community or ascetic life. For a woman, the ritual of marriage (vivāha) is in itself a route to mokṣa. Marriages are generally a matter of arrangement between families, attempting to ensure compatibility of (obviously) caste, but also of such things as education and wealth. The ritual is one of the most important of the saṃskāras (rites of passage), and involves great expense, with gifts passing between the families. The details of the ritual differ from place to place, but some elements are constant. Although celebrations may last for several days, the actual ceremony is simple. It begins with the formal giving away, by the father, of the bride. Songs of blessing are then sung, followed by oblations to the sacred fire, homa, before which the couple are sitting. They then take seven steps (satapadi) round the fire, with the groom leading the bride. If evening has fallen by this time, the couple will go out to see the star Dhruva (the Pole Star), and the bride vows to be as constant as that star. The festivities then continue.

According to classic theory (e.g. Arthaśastra), a marriage brought into being by the proper rituals cannot be dissolved. It follows that a widow should not remarry—and in a case of absolute devotion, a widow should follow her late husband into death (satī). Nevertheless, before death mokṣa (release) is possible on various grounds (the exact grounds are debated). Defects in bride or groom (especially lack of virginity and absence of virility) are usually accepted as sufficient grounds, as may be prolonged absence, or desertion, or cruelty. The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, allows divorce, but for traditional Hindus it is still, in general, unacceptable.

Buddhism

In the long process which leads eventually to enlightenment, the Buddha espoused the wisdom of addressing teaching and practice to the levels attained by different people (upāya-kauśalya). In this perspective, marriage properly undertaken is a legitimate step, even though sexuality will be transcended in due course. In the Sigālovāda Sutta, the Buddha laid out the responsibilities of lay Buddhists which embrace the duties involved in a householder's life. Paramount (and one of the Five Precepts, śīla) is the avoidance of sexual impropriety. If a marriage fails, there may be a contribution of karma to the failure, but in any case the dismantling of the marriage must attempt to avoid hurt to either of those involved.

Sikhism

The 1909 Anand Marriage Act legalized the Sikhs' Anand Karaj ceremony, following pressure from reformers—though many weddings are still influenced by Hindu practice. Although, according to Rahat Maryādā, caste is immaterial, marriages are usually arranged within caste. Astrological considerations should not decide the date. Often betrothal (Pañjābī, maṅgaṇī, kūrmāī) is elaborate, with the bestowal of gifts. Subsequently a chunni (scarf) and other gifts are presented to the bride-to-be. For the marriage ceremony the bridegroom, his family, and friends come to the gurdwārā as guests of the bride's family who make the arrangements. In front of the congregation, the couple sit before the Ādi Granth, the bride to the groom's left. She generally wears red and his turban is often pink. Ardās is said. The officiant (any approved Sikh) explains the ceremony's significance, reminding them to show love and loyalty. Bride and groom bow in assent to the Ādi Granth. A pink scarf (pallā) now links them. Four times the bride follows the groom clockwise around the Ādi Granth. Before each circumambulation, one stanza of the Lāvān is read and the rāgīs sing it as the couple walk around. They are garlanded and given money. The service concludes with six verses of Anand Sāhib, the Ardās, and distribution of kaṛāh praśād. A reception follows.

Chinese

The married state, one of the five relationships, is essential in this life and after-life for the purposes of uniting families and assuring descendants. Traditionally, marriage is arranged by a matchmaker and based on the eight character horoscopes. While keeping her family's surname, the wife is bodily, spiritually, ritually, and juridically transferred to the husband's family, subordinate first to the husband then to the eldest son, and remains in that family after death. By marriage, a husband assures his place in the ritual continuity of generations by assuming responsibility for his wife.