There Are Bad Times Just Around the Corner

Andrea Axelrod & Alan Siegal update Noel Coward's "There Are Bad Times Just Around the Corner" (The Globe Revue, 1952), which suggested a passive response to the then topical bogeymen of the Red scare and the A-Bomb (amidst veddy British references). Below, Coward's words are in caps; you can blame Andrea for the other lyrics that make this one of A&A's "Songs for the New Depression". They're SKITTISH in Schenectady And QUERULOUS out in Queens, In Cedarhurst they're about to burst and living beyond their means. It's painful in Mamaroneck -- The tide's turned in Oyster Bay. They're scared as hell at the opening bell, The close makes them swoon away! The brokers groan and grieve, LADS, because the whole system's broke. They've nothing up their sleeves, LADS, can't sell a pig in a poke. HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! MISERY'S ON THE WAY! THERE ARE BAD TIMES JUST AROUND THE CORNER, THERE ARE DARK CLOUDS HURTLING THROUGH THE SKY AND THERE'S NO USE WHINING ABOUT A SILVER LINING WHEN WE KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT THEY WON'T ROLL BY. WITH A SCOWL AND A FROWN we'll swig our whiskey down AND PREPARE FOR DEPRESSION AND GLOOM AND DREAD. WE'RE GOING TO UNPACK OUR TROUBLES FROM OUR OLD KIT BAG, turn out the lights and stay in bed. They're bellicose in Belarus and TERRIBLY CROSS in Rome. There's not a man in the Taliban who wouldn't blow up your home. And Iceland's melancholia is darker than beer can quench. In France they're scared that the market's merde (if you'll excuse my French). With every Russian mogul's enterprise on the fritz, who'll mint the brand new rubles for Putin on the Ritz? HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! Decadence and decay! THERE ARE BAD TIMES JUST AROUND THE CORNER THE HORIZON'S GLOOMY AND surreal, THERE ARE BLACK BIRDS OVER THE GRAYISH CLIFFS OF DOVER, and for each maid of honor there's a Madoff steal. When the world won't give thanks for loan-defaulting Yanks, and our primary export is fiscal fraud, we're going to drink hard and party for our souls, souls, souls, max out our cards and praise the Lawd! From Anaheim to Baltimore there's one collective kvetch, The SHRIEKS and pleas of Detroit's Big Three are enough to make you retch. So many folks cite Scripture and can quote every line and verse; start quoting Chapter Eleven, 'cause the market can still get worse! When baby boomers hock rocks from the Beltway to Bel Air, they fear an empty lock box for FICA and Medicare. HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! Wretchedness and DISMAY! THERE ARE BAD TIMES JUST AROUND THE CORNER AND THE OUTLOOK'S ABSOLUTELY VILE. There's an awfully sickly languor from Battle Creek to Bangor. WE ARE NOT GOING TO TIGHTEN OUR BELTS AND SMILE, SMILE, SMILE. Couch potatoes are we... when there's uncertainty, we are certain there's nothing much we can do. We're going to knock back the vodka till we're numb numb numb and watch "The Love Boat" -- Season Two! THERE ARE BAD TIMES JUST AROUND THE CORNER. WE CAN ALL LOOK FORWARD TO DESPAIR! For we couldn't be forlorner in Flint or Grover's Corner, for our nest eggs have vanished, and our cupboard's bare. If that's not enough for you, just wait for avian flu, and the worldwide calamity it will spread! We'll watch as birds of a feather stick and sicken us together, AND WE'LL WAIT UNTIL WE DROP DOWN DEAD -- A LIKELY STORY, farewell to old GLORY, WAIT UNTIL WE DROP DOWN DEAD!